Unsettling Threats

I will make you look yourself in the eye without using a mirror

My dad used to threaten he would put our head in between two ears when we were really young.

If you say it quickly and harshly enough, it sounds kinda menacing.

I will turn you into a one-man human centipede

I will measure the total length of all the nerves in your body

Here's one.

"I'll break half the bones in your body."

Fun fact, half of all bones in the human body are in the hands and feet.

I will take away your healthcare.

I will take away your job.

I will take away your children.

I'll take away your children's protection from preventable diseases.

I'll ruin your children's education by firing most of the oversight and hiring an unqualified person to run the department of education.

I'll cause the things you need to buy to widely fluctuate in price due to tarrifs or the threat of tarrifs.

I'll undermine the government so much they can't get rid of me or my cohorts.

And also I'll boil your teeth. That was a fun one too.

I will pay the tooth fairy to put other people's teeth in your mouth

Once upon a time I heard a guy scream “I will shit IN you!” and it’s stuck with me ever since.

I'll twist your tiddies

I will own your fingernails.

I will rat king your left shoes.

I will place your skull in my xylophone.

"I will feed you broken teeth"

I will invert your ribcage

The vikings called that the blood eagle, it wasn't so much unsettling, more like horrifying. (we don't know if it was real or just stories)

I'll sew your asshole shut and keep feedn ya and feedn ya - Method Man

Gonna put tacks in your cereal, in 2 years

I will feed you your liquified body parts, staring at the bottom, and working up.

I will fill your colon with cyanoacrylate.

I will give you an enema with the liquified bodies of your family.

I will tickle your family to death in front of you.

I will do all of the above in reverse order.

Thankfully they explained this wasn't an exhaustive list, I thought these were all the possible unsettling threats in the English language.

My personal favorite is "I will walk through you"

Like half these are just part of the BJJ experience

I'm going to gum your knuckles while you sleep.

I will show you the meaning of vivisection.

I'm going to take you to the basement with a potato peeler and a sack of lemons.

I'm going to make you eat your hair.

I tried squeezing my kneecaps. It tickled

I will stir the sedimenter.