I'm very lonely and live thousands of kilometres from home, the only person I have in my daily life is one friend. lately he's been pretty obsessed with this girl and we haven't been talking so much because of it so I thought it would be the perfect time to through with it since I had a lot of alone time. I won't go into detail about what happened next but I do recall coming-to and him knowing I was depressed and not hearing from me for days he had decided to check up on me and see how I'm doing. when I explained to him what happened he broke down into tears and it's the only time I've seen him cry in the 7 years I've known him. I'm just shocked, I always wondered firsthand how people would feel if I did it and now I think I know. my family is really far away so they probably won't ever know this happened but I just don't know how to feel. I'm tired of feeling so much pain but I also take other emotions into account now, no antidepressants or therapists have ever been enough to heal th

i hope that in the next life I am not like this. I just wish I could go back and redo everything without being severely mentally ill. I spend every day in the dark lamenting and wishing I could just go back in time. I think about ending it so often. I just want a chance to redo and be normal so badly. the craziest part is that physically, everything in my life is fine. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. but my brain just focuses on the negatives so much. it makes me feel even worse, I just wish so bad I could redo my life without feeling like this.

ive been through a lot in life, but by most metrics ive made it out and have a relatively good life. but for some reason, its like this cloud always seems to follow me... and now it really feels like its engulfing me. i feel like im becoming so detached from reality. my friends don't care enough / dont wan't to listen when i need someone to talk to (and i can hardly blame them, who would want to hear the ramblings of some depressed person). i just feel so horrible all the time, thinking about how meaningless this existence can be, feeling like i shouldn't even bother going on, and i hate these thoughts so much. sorry for how unstructured this is or how unorganised my thoughts are, i just can't bear to hold it in any longer, i feel like im going to snap if i keep bottling it up.

Title really. I don't think I will ever have a traditional career (or path) because there are just too many things I want to do. Anyone with ADHD knows i'm sure, that when you even have so much as a few household chores to do, it can take you ages to even start. My problem kind of extends beyond the scope of little things, I seem to want so much out of life that it leaves me not wanting to do anything at all because it feels overbearing. I never finished college or chose a career because of this too, sometimes I get a goal in my head so it becomes my focus for some months then i get burnt out and move on to something else and it repeats in a circle.

when i was a child, i had a tendency to extremely hyper fixate on various topics for months, so now that i'm older it just feels like i've experienced everything even though I technically haven't. the fixations are becoming much more quick in terms of cycles / how long they (don't) last and i spend most of my time feeling bored and empty, just rotting away and feeling entertained by nothing. lately this has caused me to get really stuck in the past, so i spend a lot of time just laying in bed crate digging my own memories and feeling kind of depressed because i have nothing new to be excited by or interested in. it does not help that i don't really have any long term goals or ambitions either, i just kind of exist.

does anyone else feel like this?

Hello, this is my first post on this account, I doubt anybody will even see this but I guess I'll get right into it.

It all starts back in my junior year of high school, I remember I got a new lamp for my bedroom and it looked a lot like the one my grandmother had when I was younger. I was so in love with this feeling, that I now know is called nostalgia, that every weekend I would use the lamp instead of my main bedroom light to make it feel more like I was back at her house on the weekends. (I do it to this day)

For a while I started doing small things like this in addition to just the lamp, such as using old websites for the aesthetic or getting super into nostalgic music again. It's funny looking back now and realising it ramped up as my depression worsened, but I digress. After I graduated school, to keep things short, my life was just hell. A big mess, started community college but dropped out, couldn't get a job, ended up being kicked out by my dad over this and was homeless