Came in under budget too.

Funny @europe.pub

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In Taiwan, the older bathrooms have something similar to this but on the side. It has enough pressure to put out fires and please women.
- https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-Silver-Stainless-Steel-Handheld-Bidet-Sprayer-Set-for-Personal-Hygiene/5492494282?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&selectedOfferId=A7988F8E822636B5BF7E36251372780F&conditionGroupCode=1&gQT=1 I have one (not this model but it wasn't much more) on my toilet and I can highly recommend it. Saves a lot of money on TP.
- I should start stressing out

Followed instructions, now I speak in water.

Ok, you poke fun but there are public bathrooms in Italy that have a hose and nozzle just like this near the toilet so you can rinse.
- it's elite as fuck tbh compared to unwashed American buttholes

That hose and nozzle cost more than a cheap bidet.
- Cheaper than the free nozzle and hose, that have been rotting in the back of the shed for the past 2 years? I don't think so.
  
  An expensive bidet is cheaper than the water damage that will inevitably result after having rotting hose that is always under pressure and running through the house.

Looks funny with a green hose and a yellow nozzle but a lot of bidet tools are just a spray nozzle on a (usually white-ish) hose. The nozzle is more of the kitchen sink variety but it's really not that different.
The real problem with this setup is the hose and nozzle are under the seat! No reason for that... Just keep it off to the side.
TL;DR: This setup will work fine. Maybe use a light touch on that handle though 😉
- A lot of people in the west are accustomed to the kind you install under your toilet seat, but I was surprised to see the kitchen sink thing everywhere when I was in SE Asia.
  
  I prefer the kitchen sink ones. I've never accidentally gotten all wet from one of those like I have with the fancy toilet seat ones.
- I never understood how to use the nozzle bidets properly. What angle do you shoot from?
  
  I have a handheld that I fill at the sink with warm or slightly cool water.
  I've got female parts so I angle from the front between my legs, so that everything flows front to back and then down.
  I change the angle and shift a bit to get the backend bits so it doesn't splatter the front bits.
  The handheld bidet water stream is more like a water pick than a shower sprayer, so you can be pretty exact with this one.
  
  Nobody shares their bidet secrets. It's so hard to research before buying one.
  Anywho, I use my bidet in the shower.
  
  Personally, I lean forward and to the left, so that my cheeks spread, and then I take the nozzle into my right hand and hold it as if I was scratching my ass.
  Afterwards, I fold two sheets of toilet paper and dry myself off at the surface.

A real bidet is well worth a modest investment if you have the cash to spare, but this could work too.
I would just suggest rubber-banding the sprayer into the “on” position and keeping a kink in the hose easily reachable in front of the toilet. That way, you can simply unkink the hose to spray and rekink it when you’re done. No need to reach down under the dirty bits just to activate it.
- That's some peak landlord energy, I love it!
- Kinky.

This isn't efficiency. This is a fetish. Bro is power washing his lower intestines.

If people don't know already, bidets are fairly cheap and easy to setup. And they will pay for themselves quickly by not having to use nearly as much, or any, toilet paper. I highly recommend. We installed them on both of our bathrooms and it is such a quality of life improvement
- I bought a cheap $30 bidet during the pandemic. It was an awful experience. Told everyone how overrated bidets were.
  Then last year, I decided to try again, but this was a top shelf fancy $300 bidet. My god, it was like night and day. My butthole never felt so pristine.
  If you hate bidets, look at the more higher end ones.
  
  By the by, pristine is commonly used to mean "perfect spotless/like new/cherry" but actually means more like untouched/never cleaned/left alone/original state.
  This fact brought to you by my ADHD! Byeeeeeeee!
  
  Hmm, personally I'm using a $20 manually operated travel bidet and my butthole feels like freshly showered.
  I guess, the advantage of it being manually operated is that I can decide the water pressure by how strongly I squeeze the bottle.
  Another advantage is that I have a firm handshake now. 🙃
  
  I bought a cheap $30 bidet during the pandemic.
  Same, but I'm actually pretty happy with mine. 🤷

A pain in the ass, on use.

Set the handle under the seat so it is pressure activated.
- I prefer to finish pooping before receiving a high velocity enema
  
  Sometimes it pushes it back up for another day or two.
  Why do you hate efficiency?
  
  But if you wait until after you don't even need an enema

You can buy a shattaf (bidet sprayer) for like $20.
- Shattaf uck up.

Spray that cooch!

Auto shutoff when you fall off.
Solid design.

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