For posting satire from The Onion and other similar sources.
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works MHLoppy @fedia.io Historians: Quibbling over exact definition of concentration camp sign of healthy society
theonion.com Historians: Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy SocietyNEW HAVEN, CT—Calling such concern for linguistic precision a clear indicator of a thriving country, a panel of historians from Yale University issued a statement Thursday announcing that quibbling over the exact definition of a concentration camp was a sign of a healthy society. “Studies of the pas...
Calling such concern for linguistic precision a clear indicator of a thriving country, a panel of historians from Yale University issued a statement Thursday announcing that quibbling over the exact definition of a concentration camp was a sign of a healthy society. “Studies of the past tell us that nitpicking the particular semantics of the term ‘concentration camp’ as they pertain to a place the government is actively sending people with no criminal history is highly associated with national stability,” said historian Kristen Boyd, who added that the more pedantic one’s reasoning for a facility not fully satisfying the criteria for a true concentration camp, the better that bodes for a country’s future.
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works can @sh.itjust.works 
theonion.com JD Vance Rushes To Put Wife’s Head Back On After Fumbling Second LadyWASHINGTON—Completely mortified while watching the body part detach, Vice President JD Vance reportedly rushed Thursday to put his wife’s head back on after fumbling the second lady. “No, no, no, no!” cried out the 40-year-old vice president, who watched in shock and horror as Usha Vance’s head slip...
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works MHLoppy @fedia.io All-female space mission fixes gender equality
chaser.com.au All-female space mission fixes gender equality – The Chaser“Forget the gender pay gap, the #MeToo movement and women’s rights – all we needed was a group selfie from outer space.”
In what experts are calling a “bold step of doing the bare minimum” the six-person, all-female crew on the Blue Origin NS-31 mission have solved centuries of gender inequality.
It wasn’t protests, policy or even pay rises but six women orbiting the Earth’s atmosphere for a few minutes.
Since the NS-31 mission, there have been multiple reports of acts of feminism across the globe. Senior executives have started referring to female colleagues as “capable” instead of “intense”, tech bros have issued public apologies for interrupting women on their podcasts, and one man even loaded a dishwasher without being asked.
“When I unbuckled my seatbelt, I felt centuries of oppression unbuckle with me,” said pop singer Katy Perry who was on the historic flight.
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www.thebeaverton.com US campaign entices Canada tourists: “Come visit America and also maybe El Salvador!”OTTAWA - Following months of declining Canadian travel to the USA, Americans have launched a tourism campaign inviting Canadians to visit locations like New York, Austin, and possibly even take an all-expenses paid bonus visit to a notorious El Salvadorian mega-prison.
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theonion.com Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported ManWASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday that he “lacks the humanity” to return wrongly deported legal U.S. resident Kilmar Abrego Garcia back to America. “How can I return an innocent man to the United States when ...
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theonion.com FBI Warns Of ‘American Dream’ ScamWASHINGTON—Noting that millions have already fallen victim to the long-running grift, the FBI warned Monday of the ‘American Dream’ scam. “Reports are coming in all across the country of Americans who were promised great prosperity and success in exchange for a lifetime of hard work, only to find th...
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www.thebeaverton.com High cost of eggs force children to decorate Easter tofu blocksCINCINNATI, OH - When single father Michael Field’s children, Talia and Connor, ran to their kitchen table last Sunday to decorate eggs for Easter, they were confused to find instead a bowl of strange, damp white chunks.
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theonion.com Study Links Binge Eating To Stress, Contentment, Depression, Joy, Boredom, Anger, RelaxationDURHAM, NC—Providing insight into the potential causes underlying the unhealthy behavior, a Duke University study released Wednesday has discovered a strong correlation between binge eating and feelings of stress, contentment, depression, joy, boredom, anger, and relaxation. “Our data indicate that ...
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works Et Al @lemmy.world 
isglitch.com Apple CEO confused as McMahon Asks When 'A1 Sauce Integration' Will Come to iPhone 16Education Secretary mistakes computational cognition for condiments in technological catastrophe
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theonion.com Researchers Taste Miso Fermented In SpaceScientists recently had the opportunity to taste a batch of “space miso” fermented for 30 days aboard the International Space Station, noting it had a nuttier and more roasted quality than typical soybean paste made on Earth. What do you think?
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works can @sh.itjust.works 
theonion.com Corporation Proud Of Origins As Small Business That Would Never Survive In Modern EconomyDEERFIELD, IL—Touting its foundational values of hard work, honesty, and integrity, drugstore giant Walgreens confirmed Wednesday it is proud of its origins as a small business that in today’s economy would absolutely never have been able to get off the ground. “Here at Walgreens, we still live by t...
We now have more than 8,000 locations, but in many ways, we’re still that same little shop on the corner [that in the current market would be boarded up within 12 months, leaving its bankrupt owner hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt].”
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works Et Al @lemmy.world 
isglitch.com Microsoft's New AI Can Detect "Ethics" Before They Become "Problems"Emotional Surveillance System Aims to Preempt Conscience-Driven Disruptions
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theonion.com Mother Extremists Hijack Airwaves To Broadcast Photos Of Their ChildrenWASHINGTON—Demanding viewers look upon their precious offspring or suffer dire consequences, extremist parenting organization Mamas United reportedly hijacked the airwaves Monday to broadcast photos of their children. “People of the world, we call upon you to gaze on our sweet little ones immediatel...
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theonion.com New Clearblue Test Comes With Flight Voucher In Case Result PositiveWASHINGTON—In an effort to help customers living in areas with little or no access to abortion care, Clearblue announced Monday that its pregnancy tests sold in the U.S. market would now come with a flight voucher in case the result was positive. “Starting today, our home diagnostic products will in...
WASHINGTON—In an effort to help customers living in areas with little or no access to abortion care, Clearblue announced Monday that its pregnancy tests sold in the U.S. market would now come with a flight voucher in case the result was positive.
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works can @sh.itjust.works 
www.thebeaverton.com Harper returns in attempt to make Poilievre look charismaticEDMONTON - Former Prime Minister Stephen Harper appeared at a Pierre Poilievre campaign rally this week, in an attempt to make the current Conservative leader appear human and likeable by comparison.
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works RmDebArc_5 @sh.itjust.works 
theonion.com Trump Boasts About Strong-Arming Trump Into Pausing TariffsWASHINGTON—Bragging that he had forced the world leader into “total submission,” President Donald Trump boasted to reporters Thursday that he had strong-armed President Donald Trump into pausing his latest round of tariffs. “I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that ...
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www.thebeaverton.com Poilievre airs new race car ad after being informed he isn't polling high enough with men going through midlife crisesRANDOM RACE TRACK SOMEWHERE IN CANADA - Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has launched a new campaign ad featuring him driving a shiny blue Chevrolet Corvette around a race track, after being informed by his team that he wasn’t polling well enough with middle-aged men who are currently spiralling...
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works MHLoppy @fedia.io Galactic Trade Federation responds to Trump tariffs with an invasion of the planet Naboo
In response to Trump, the Trade Federation has launched a full-scale invasion of the peaceful planet Naboo — just 48 hours after U.S. President Donald J. Trump enacted sweeping 25% tariffs on the interstellar shipping and trade conglomerate.
Viceroy Nute Gunray, declared the move “a defensive commercial operation” though eyewitnesses reported thousands of battle droids pouring into Naboo.
“These tariffs are an attack on our economic freedom,” the Viceroy stated.
“We will not sit idly by while they tax our trade”
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers @sh.itjust.works MHLoppy @fedia.io JD Vance wondering when penguins are going to say thank you for tariff suspension
theshovel.com.au JD Vance Wondering When Penguins Are Going To Say Thank You for Tariff Suspension — The Shovel"We've heard absolutely nothing from them. Not a squeak"
US Vice President JD Vance says he is shocked to hear that penguins living on The Heard and McDonald Islands 1500km north of Antarctica are yet to show gratitude for Donald Trump’s decision to reverse tariffs in the region.
In an interview today, Vance said he was yet to hear anything at all from the island’s birdlife about the tariffs.
“You would think that they would be happy about this announcement. But yet we’ve heard absolutely nothing from them. Not a squeak. How ungrateful can you be?” Vance said.