I don't know what's happening to me I feel so fucking terrible the last two nights I've been crying and I don't like it. I don't like crying alone. My mood is swinging back and forth like it has never before. I only want the one friend I have in this city to answer more quickly to my messages and I feel terribly needy and I feel terrible for feeling so needy and I feel like our relationship is so terribly shallow and I can't depend on her and she's busy and she deserves better than me and I should have other people and I do have these people but none of them are as close and in the same city and I feel terrible and none of this shit is ever going to get easier I'm never going to ha e as much free time as I have now andi still can't make any real friends and everything sucks and under late stage capitalism none of this is ever going to get any easier and I think I'm having a panic attack and there's just no one around to help and the only lasting relationship you are allowed to have is a romantic one and I've never had one and I want to be held and be close to someone and I don't want to always walk home alone to an empty room and an empty bed but I just don't have anything to offer to anybody because loving costs money and I don't have any and have no perspective and nothing and no amount od therapy will ever changethat
That's dialectics
Having children should be free
I just feel so fucking lonely I just want to die
Went outside into "nature" for a long walk, there are some nice quiet places around here, makes me feel a lot better about things
Reading Joan Didions "Slouching Towards Bethlehem" about California in the 60s was fantastic, but reading "The White Album" about the 70s is one the most excruciating thing I've ever had the distaste of reading. Reactionary as fuck
This shit was old and boring ten years ago
- Americans explaining why they use four times as many natural resources as the rest of the world
Didn't nexusmods ban people for uploading similar stuff before? Hope they do so here too
I had a dream where one of my wisdom teeth was loose and I pulled it out by hand and another one of my molars came out because they were somehow fused. Thanks brain
Call me judgemental and snobbish or whatever but there's something seriously pathological wrong with our collective psyche when terrible music like hardstyle gets more and more popular. There's something so incredibly dull and blunt about that shit I just genuinely can't fathom what kind of state of mind you'd need to be in to listen to that shit sober, or why you'd ever want to get so high as to want to listen to that shit
It doesn't fucking matter what they do, there's simply no one who is going to stop them, the more they break the less likely it is for any opposition to actually form. They're three steps ahead of us, even if they themselves don't know it.
Started feeling like my mood was slipping but I stead of doom scrolling or binge eating I got my guitar out and played a few simple songs for like half an hour. Might have to start doing this regularly, playing guitar is just a cool and fun thing to do, even when you only play the most simple of songs.
I wouldn't take Oblivion if they paid me.
Also if this is all we fucking talk about on this comm it's gonna get blocked like what is this "my treats to expensive" shit over and over again