I highly doubt that...you give me like, I dunno, let's say 5 people, and a catapult, and I bet you I can hit a giraffe before it gets struck by lightning.

Even more confident if you give me a people-sized potato cannon.

...yet

JK, he wants to go to a contender and we certainly aren't that.

The Onion should copy the White House and just start scribbling through the mass shooting article headline they repost each time with red crayon.

"He should have gotten a job with health insurance so he can afford therapy!"

We have a Staffy/Cattle Dog mix named Bruno who loves to sit and protect us. He started out sitting under my kid's bassinet (contorting himself because it was an awkward height for him), then started sitting in their room facing the door while my wife was feeding her, and now will come into our room in the morning and sit facing the door until we get out of bed.

He is the sweetest dog in the world and is instantly friendly with everyone he meets, but I really enjoy his stoic defender act he puts on.

So sweet!

Water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

My kiddo gifted me the opportunity to see my watch change from 1:59 to 3:00am this morning!

A cfucknsored version

Their highlights come and go, I find some weeks they have them uploaded by Monday whereas other races don't get highlights at all. Wasn't sure if it was related to what network is hosting the race or not. It annoys me compared to F1, NASCAR and IndyCar who usually have their highlights uploaded a few hours after the race.

Gosh that sounds lovely, especially the Linux part. Actually, mostly the Linux part.

Someone should plot the price of things (eggs, gas, the Big Mac) against the (date-referenced) count of times he played golf.

Why would I spend a ton of money to go out in public and play golf, when I can stay at home keeping that Teams icon green while playing videogames and watching mid-week Europa League fixtures?

Source: currently home sick, but feeling good enough to clock a few hours of required training and data backups.

You would have known from my username haha. Definitely give tea a try, and pick up some interesting varieties, a nice mug, and a fun electronic kettle to simplify / fancify it into a fun part of your morning!

From personal experience, a fresh cup of coffee is what gets me out of bed when I don't have other obligations. I use a percolator, and grind fresh coffee each use (i.e. not prepping it the night before). This helps me keep a routine between the weekdays and weekends.

I switched to tea for a bit after a rough bout of heartburn, worked about the same for me keeping a routine. I much prefer my doom scrolling when I can mimic the Kermit the frog meme with a piping hot morning beverage.

Also, you may be my friend based on the bathroom necessity. If not, you two should form a morning intestinal distress support group.

While there may not be a "Team wins Superbowl LIX by this many points", I'm guessing that you would be able to infer the victor based on the articles that are posted. Probably better to wait a week and catch your replays before subscribing.

"...the funeral was an excellent networking opportunity, and I was able to share my amazing experience working for [ChatGPT rebadge "AI" company] with all of my friends and family. I spent extra time showing Grandma how she can chat with our product NeedAFriendAI since Grandpa isn't around anymore."

I got notified of it in the first quarter of last year.

I had already switched insurances because all my providers stopped accepting UHC because THEY WEREN'T PAYING THE FUCKING PROVIDERS

This ended up working! Great suggestion, thank you!