well, after months of deliberation i finally bought a one way ticket to portugal and planning to slowly make my way from there to either asia or africa. still have a day to chicken out and refund but i mean i've been desperately searching for a reason to not just up and leave the country, the bar has been barely above the ground, and still haven't found even one reason so doubt anything will change in the next day.
i'm not necessarily looking forward to it, still trying to get past the "i wish things were different" mentality. just seems like the only thing left to do besides succumbing to hopelessness. i'm hoping the journey will alleviate my misanthropic thoughts and lead to finding my people, but i know it's best to not have any expectations. i'm also worried about what happens when i run out of the very little money i do have or potential prejudice especially in europe but fuck it i want to do less thinking and more action
the only thing i will miss is my computer. still thinking if i should even bring a laptop since i plan to mostly camp
has anyone just picked up and left with nothing*?
*and a couple hundred dollars
ive had some accounts on here where i detailed my situation more but long story short, i'm a brown queer who's long overdue on leaving an extremely triggering living situation in a southern state with increasingly hostile policies and a personal 0% success rate on finding meaningful friendships, community, or work. i've already tried moving to a big liberal city before and while it was better on some ends, i still was unable to make any meaningful connections or enough money that would have made the working just to live in a shitty room at the mercy of random sublandlords worth continuing for me. i also had a traumatic experience where someone scammed me out of a large sum of money, and the worst part of that whole ordeal wasn't even losing the money, it was the lack of emotional support afterwards.
anyways, after an antagonizingly long hiatus from society despite my best efforts to have even a crumb of a reason to keep hope and effort that i might find
aw this made me so sad to read and i relate entirely too well i genuinely feel like peoples approach/philosophies around friendship and community in the west is so poisoned and perversed. it feels hard to keep trying when you keep being willing to meet people beyond halfway and even that doesn't get reciprocated in the way its deserved, and yet all the shittiest people i know are surrounded by many many friends and endorsed and accepted by the people around them. like it's not your or my fault but it still fucking sucks