Maybe try getting into your local BDSM scene first. Visit a local munch, get to know people. Really get to know them. Don't just go in there expecting to find someone to fuck.
If you find enough friends you are bound to get to know someone who works in the industry.
The scene is small. Really don't be a creep. Just a normal guy with a normal life and interests besides aspiring to be the next great fucktoy.
BDSM is a vaaaaast field. And most people practising BDSM are only interested in a small portion. The acronym alone, despite only having four letters, encompasses six different aspects and any one person could only be interested in one aspect or even none. They are Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sadism and Masochism.
See the lack of references to black leather clothes or petplay in the list?
I think for a beginner the best entry is to register on Fetlife, go to events and look up a munch near you. There you could learn that the people practising BDSM are just normal people. And they could tell you about the specific things you are interested in.
That's the thing though. You don't just want anybody to hold your dildo. It takes a special person to perfectly encapsulate the essence of being a mere inanimate object designed for you and your pleasure alone.
Get a kinky hobby and then join your local community. For me it was bondage. Go to meetings, get to know people (emphasis on people). When you pass the vibe check you should get invited to parties. During all this you should be able to get to know enough people who are DTF.
I have had more relationships after my marriage than before.
We kind of slipped into it. We always maintained an open relationship in terms of communication. With the arrival of our children we found it harder to pursue our kinkier side with each other so we decided to try it with other people.
My wife was first. She signed up with BDSM communities, went on dates and went to munches. Eventually I decided I wanted to try that as well. As my first test I signed up to the same site and messaged her without revealing myself. I convinced her to try a date with me with only one simple message. Rizzing the person you love feels good.
Anyways, going on dates with the knowledge and consent of your partner makes it so much easier than having to conceal them and making up lies. No idea how people do this.
Relationships we formed were similar to other relationships. Some worked, some didn't. Most ended amicably, some didn't. Of course we sought out people who seemed to be ok with the arrangement.
The pandemic mostly put an end to that and by now life doesn't leave us enough time or energy to go on. But we do not regret that time. Still keep lose contact with the people we met. Our own relationship is stronger than ever. And we'll see what the future holds.
There's so much you can do to connect with someone, even with clothes on.