I am drunk and this is very funny

Ugh. Five years? And then he ruined my life twice.

I have an excel sheet with tasks and a random number generator.

I also have to try a new food every time I’m at the grocery store

This isn’t true at all. Everywhere you see average guys out there with girls. Yes, attractive people gain attention. But also, average people date.

…. You okay bro? No one is asking “what do you being to the table.”

Yes, there are basic qualifications people are looking for: hygiene, dependability, a job, minimal debt, personality, just be a good person.

These should come standard.

I love this so much I saved it

This is delightful, thank you for sharing.

This is hilarious.

This might be one of the greatest things I have ever seen.

Sir pull your black knickers up, this isnt a NSFW sub

Might as well buy stuff at a thrift store. You find quality and good fabric as long as you’re willing to sift. I buy 120-200 dollar cashmere sweaters for 20-25 bucks. I don’t trust that cheap shit either. If it’s cotton, cool, but if it’s not… 2 bucks is hella suspicious.

You okay bro?

Need a medic on my team. Survival is paramount.

So special. That cat must really trust that sweet girl

After you spoke to a therapist

That’s a nice damn kitty right there

It sounds like he’s going to get someone seriously injured or killed.

Jackson Galaxy Cat Daddy says some cats are tree cats and others are bush dwellers. So if cat prefers the floor I suggest fancy rugs and cat beds and cat scratchers all on the floor.

I clapped irl for you

Oh fuck!