• (only including this because i think it's funny that the talk started with this) Some pickup lines to use "at your own risk" (these are paraphrased by me and I feel like I forgot some): I'm peace and I want to be with you; I was reading the book of Numbers and realized yours isn't in there; [some well known historical guy] had many wives because he didn't meet you; Bible says to feed hungry and give drink to thirsty so how about I take you to Chipotle; [something about rosary...] you can be my joyful mysteries for 5 decades
  • Someone said Chipotle isn't good, then the friar ask for a different place, and I wish I came up with the response "my basement" quicker so I could say it 😔
• Some guys struggle with connecting with other guys, then they just be with girls, and their lack of male friendships led to something (emotional sharing or something like that) being excessive with girls
• Better connection with men allows better connection with women
• Men should talk to each other abo

I came up with this idea today

I just realized that a lot of my personal improvement in understanding the formation of romantic relationships can be described as discerning the boundary between what's common and what social norms require. When there were too many things that are in the common category but were not known by me to be in it, I could not always be myself, and I had a narrow view of the acceptable paths I could take (which was especially bad in my situation with girl 4, in which none of the truly socially acceptable paths (including abandoning the situation) were part of what I thought I could do).

Shortly before we left, we did performances that we previously prepared in groups. Girl 7 is one of the girls I mostly thought about before, and she was in another group that was doing a song parody. Anticipation started building up when I saw her with one of the microphones in the beginning. When she sang her part, I was very delighted by her voice. Later, I told her that she sounded so beautiful. She thanked me, smiled, and overall had a reaction that I like so much. I should have tried to have a conversation with her (e.g. asking if she sings a lot), but I didn't think of doing that. This shows the importance of considering the possibility of conversation potential in every single interaction, so Pansystellar will teach that and also list simple ways of continuing a conversation so it can be done fast enough even before the whole thing becomes habitual.

After we returned to ASU, me and my dad were walking to the car to go home, and it was in front of a building, and I saw no one ot

It's possible that after being told that girl 3 (the "McDonald's girl") had a boyfriend, I forgot that my overall interaction with her was good by itself, not just as a step to a goal. This could be a contributing factor to my feeling of shame.

Previous attempts to describe things about the mindset shift (dates of notes are for the last edit, and names are redacted):

• May 12, 2024: journal/log entry written on the day of the mindset shift

  decide to seek platonic friendship with girls almost for its own sake

  • Use of the word "platonic" here might not be completely accurate
• May 19: 3 excerpts of an early draft of the group chat messages

  I used to have a tendency to have excess focus on one girl, taking the next step in pursuing her, etc. I was afraid of not maintaining that focus enough. This kind of habit actually slowed me down and was bad for me.

  To be clear, if you have a crush on someone and you are afraid of saying hi to them, focusing a lot on doing it is a good thing. You are more likely to focus too little, rather than too much, when fighting against shyness.

  Thinking about the entire path to having a girlfriend and ultimately to marriage is useful for maintaining courage, but not for muc

For a little over a year, I've only been maintaining a log of events in my life. Yesterday, I started another log for times when I have a mental model of the future, especially the progression of interpersonal situations. This might make it easier to understand past mistakes and know exactly why I'm confused by present situations.

I highly suspect that not starting this sooner is why it's taking a while for me to fully analyze and write what the heck was I thinking in my situation with girl 4.

• Saying with certainty that a girl likes my brother based on how she looks at him
• Encouraging a focus on making a move on a girl before someone else does (My belief: it's good to try to be the most brave guy, but when determining specific actions, you shouldn't focus on competition)
• Speaking a little negatively about my brother being in a super close friendship with a girl for a while without making a move and about how it supposedly confuses other people

For the Pansystellar Architecture, liberating people from fear is not enough. It needs to liberate people from the imperfections of any culture. It needs to provide assistance and encouragement in seeking perfection instead of perfect imitation.

I attended a retreat at this couple's house, and they told us this story. I see it as an example of liberally seeking connection and not being afraid of causing people to suspect feelings, all before you even know your feelings and desires. Today, I realized how important this story is.

In high school, they became very close friends. They even spent so much time talking on the phone every night. The boy dealt with people thinking that he had a crush on the girl, and he kept on denying it. If I remember correctly, the friendship being platonic seemed a little weird to the other people. After 4 years of friendship, he knew his criteria for his future wife and eventually realized that the girl met all of the criteria. So they talked about this and eventually were in a relationship. The boy valued starting relationships with the trust of a deep platonic friendship. Now they are married and have a kid. (During the retreat, the kid drooled on a table, and the dog licked it.)

When I heard t

A thought I had and forgot to mention in the post about the McDonald's girl / girl 3

I can't remember my exact search query, but it included "social skills", "dating", and something like "free guide". Still gotta try a search without "dating".

Useful takeaways:

• Situations that are helpful for connection are very broad, and includes going to a store
• "perhaps you assume that the woman you just approached would never be the type of girl who views a 10-mile hike as refreshing and invigorating. However, instead of avoiding the topic as you may have in the past, this time you choose to share your passion with her, and your tales of outdoor adventure are so compelling, that regardless of her previous outdoor experience (or lack thereof) she is excited to share a new experience with you!"
  • This can be modeled as an example of applying an idea from my "girl 2" post: "Be very skeptical of the division between fantasy and what you are capable of in real life." In this case, it's the fantasy of connection through doing or talking about on

("the McDonald's girl" = girl 3. That phrase was the motorcycle boy's idea. This story is not related to McDonald's or motorcycles.)

Starting in January 2024, she occasionally caught my eye when I was in the one class we were both in. I mostly ignored her.

On February 29, when I was sitting down in class and the McDonald's girl was walking in front of me and I probably looked at her for a moment, she appeared to pause and make eye contact with me, and I was very shocked. Later in the same class period, when she was sitting in front of me, she appeared to turn back and look at me. I felt like I knew that she almost certainly had some sort of interest in me, maybe a crush idk. I gradually started to think about how good her personality was (this was likely affected by a lot of bias) and have a crush on her. The beginning of the crush was between March 2[^{1] and March 5[}2].

This is around the time when finding my future wife before graduation if she could be found was slowly becoming

Different things in your mind can care about different sets of things. An important example is your fear being disconnected from your inner state and your long term success. Harmony of these things is how to be free.

I should not have tried to directly resist feelings, but another thing I did which is good is lightly trying to make a tiny positive feeling become huge, which can do things like shifting focus and indirectly resisting exclusive attention. The only thing I can think of at the moment where I should advise resistance is if you feel negatively about someone being with someone else.

Proper use of control over feelings will be in the Pansystellar Architecture for sure.

Edit: also gotta stay away from lust