I struggle even feeling like I deserve trying to improve. I'm so convinced I'm a horrible worthless person. Every memory is tinged by hate. I'm not even sure there's anything wrong with me mentally. I think this is the logical conclusion to a lifetime of misery and suffering. I'm relatively convinced that I actually am irredeemable and deserve death.

How do I stop feeling this way? Should I?

I fucking hate these people so much.

Autists will be one of the first in the camps it seems. In fact, getting out of America should strongly be considered

Sourced from https://neurodivergentinsights.com/ They got a lot of useful information about a variety of things, definitely recommend checking them out!

I have ADHD. That’s a certain. Officially diagnosed, on the process of finding medication and titration.

Although the doc I was meeting who was conducting the ADHD tests and a few followups, took account my traits and the answers to the ADHD questionnaire, which suggests AuDHD in their experience.

I read many AuDHD accounts and blogs online. Their story always lines up really well with mine.

I am of the opinion that the label does not matter in terms of practicality. A “what helps, helps” kind of motto. But I do feel a bit disingenuous when I say I am autistic to people since I didn’t get a second opinion or anything.

Any experiences and thoughts on this? Is there is any concrete benefits if I were to seek out an official Autism diagnosis aswell?

this might be more vent-ish and long winded than i intended it to be so i might eventually delete but i desperately need to get it off my chest somewhere and to people who might Get It ?

::: spoiler general cw for topics of mental health and suicide (i’m not sure what else to tag specifically!)

i previously saw the same therapist for 2 years straight and i’ve been bouncing around different ones ever since. i’m on my fourth one since then and it’s probably been the worst experience i’ve had with a therapist yet.

i’m bipolar 2 with adhd, and our latest appointment was the last straw. i was hypomanic this time, but very low and suicidal in the last appointment, which prompted her to oh-so-kindly tell me “thank god you’re feeling better, if you

That is all, but I do know it feels like imprisonment

I missed the last one

How can I be better liked in communities? I put myself out there, I go to hobby groups and various other social groups all the time, but it's really been feeling like most communities I'm in, at best, I'm someone you talk to for a bit until the people you actually want to see show up or can talk to you. Or if I'm in a group conversation, I'm slowly pushed out. That's if people talk to me at all. I rarely feel valued in any group, I mostly feel like filler. How can I be better liked?

Call that a stimbotter

About ten years ago following a consultation with a doctor, I got diagnosed as having "treatment resistant depression." I gather this is maybe not the most broadly accepted terminology out there, but having tried out a few SSRIs and an SNRI (and multiple therapists) to absolutely no results or worse, I've come to respect it as the only diagnosis that makes any sense to me, and accurately describes the situation.

Anyway, I'm still here and still not on any kind of meds. I get a lot of exercise and have a physically active job that keeps me off the computer/phone for long stretches of time, get lots of sleep (always been great at sleeping), try to eat decently, cut back on drinking, do wholesome activities with others, see friends when I can, etc. I'm sure I would be doing a lot worse if I wasn't doing all those things, but I'm always looking for ways to make life more bearable.

So I guess I'm wondering: chronic depression havers of hexbear whomst are not on meds for whatever reason, w