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dennis5wheel

@ dennis5wheel @programming.dev

Posts
15
Comments
50
Joined
2 yr. ago

  • Socially inept, introverted employees. How do you survive the workplace? Because I’m in dire need of some serious advice.

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  • why should they listen to you?

    because they're supposed to be adults and that behavior is something 14 year olds do and I'm too old for that. I really expected adults to separate personal life from work life and not engage in gossip like that. You don't need to point out how misguided I was and how unrealistic my expectations are.

    Sad, but I'll have to find a job with no politics. I don't go to work because my life is so empty I need drama or chaos. I want a quiet life.

    You state you made an effort to practice this kind of theatrics and somehow mastered it. Don't you go home back with a headache after playing so much? don't you have the feeling of wasting your life while you could be learning and becoming a better worker? I mean I simply don't understand how you have the mental fortitude to listen to that kind of baloney.

    Allies at the workplace? hell yeah, give me the mature ones, the adult ones, the ones I can learn from. These are the ones I want to work with.

    I don't find it has to be this black and white either change or accept be forever ostracized. I have to accept what I am and find a job that fits my introverted / autistic personality without too much of a financial penalty.

  • dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone?

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  • You didn’t tell us when he asks if everything is OK. That is a large omission, and I hope you can update the original post with examples of what led up to the question being asked.

    I'm a nurse and where I work at we all have to eat together, meaning I'm a captive audience and have to be there, like it or not. My coworkers are so special if I eat alone, away from them, they'll come to me later and ask if everything's all right. If I eat my lunch together with them but read a book, they invariably ask if everything's all right.

    I cannot win here. They need this level of attention and I just want to be left alone.

  • dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone?

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  • “When you ask me if everything’s ok, it makes me feel pressured/put on the spot.”

    have you ever done this yourself? To me it makes me look weak, giving them something they can use to attack me.

  • dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone?

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  • The use of ‘insinuating’ sounds like you’re filling in a lot of blank space with your own narrative.

    kinda disagree:

    I'm the quiet one and most extroverts where I work at find that offensive. they feel offended because I don't ask them about their lives, lives I don't care about. I've told 3 coworkers already that I don't talk to them because I have to work and they react aggressively and feel offended, fully convinced I don't talk to them because I hate them.

    But keep not doing their jobs, meaning I have to do my job and theirs while they keep talking.

  • can you help me name this falsetto pop/rock song?

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  • you are right. thanks!

  • can you help me name this falsetto pop/rock song?

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  • you rule!

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • I can tell you that what works for me is to be polite but distant. I’ll say “good morning!” to my coworkers and “have a good night!” At the end of the shift. I’ll be helpful when needed, and I’ll do my best to work well with others.

    I already do this, but to some where I work, it's not enough.

    the rest of your sentences are worth a try.

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • thank you for these examples

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • thank you for your detailed answer.

    I don’t know if you resent the idea that your reasons have to be socially acceptable to these guys or should have to be massaged to avoid them taking things personally, but ask yourself this: do you want to teach them a lesson and demonstrate your contempt for them, or do you want to just be left alone to work and to continue to work effectively with them? Pragmatism over principle would make sense here.

    my reasons have to be acceptable to them, because otherwise, they'll feel offended. And this is not a group of adults capable of separating work from personal life, they perceive slights very easily and once they feel offended, they lash out and use any pretext to not help with patients and suddenly, I'm the only one catering to patients while they sit and talk.

    I just want to work until I find another workplace. I don't believe it makes sense to work with them long term.

    In short, take the easiest route if possible and just eat somewhere else at lunch and redirect the conversation back to work if they keep talking to you during work.

    I cannot eat lunch alone because I have to be on call, even when I'm doing my pause. As a matter of fact, I don't have a pause. At other units, employees take turns to pause and the ones on duty, work, so each of us gets 30 minutes of peace. This doesn't happen where I work because for whatever reason, manager wants us to eat all together and feels offended if somebody chooses not to eat with them. They feel offended even for this. If I choose eating elsewhere, manager will order me with her fake politeness to eat with them, because I have to be there, should a patient need me.

    What about this: I'm there, eating with them. They ask me a privy question and I answer: 'nice weather today' or 'what did you have for breakfast'? completely ignoring the question and trying to redirect.

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • thank you for defending me, but as you can see, being a minority is not easy: a neutrally worded and genuine question is met by animosity because people like maalus simply don't understand or don't want to understand. And he get's upvoted. Even worse, he and his followers assume malevolence.

    Just wanted you to know that I appreciate the feeling, but they are more and talk waaay more.

    But still, I don't know what to tell my delicate coworkers.

    And make no mistake, this post will also be downvoted...

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • Workplace conversation should be casual at all times, no overly personal stuff, no hot button topics ever. If things are that friendly, meet up outside work and get back to the job. Not because of some bullshit protestant work ethic or capitalist bullshit, but because you agreed to do a thing for a period of time, and fucking around while the job is still on is lame.

    exactly...

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • if I go the autism route, ain't there a chance HR will ask for proof?

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • am very careful with how I phrase stuff

    I was always polite and vague with how I declined their questions early on

    would you write some examples for me to use?

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • so how do you survive them? and on a daily basis?

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • thanks a lot for all of this, so many things I didn't even consider. I never thought they could be this dangerous. Petty and childish? Every day, but this dangerous? Nope. How naive of me.

    As I guess you know, it's very tiring to pretend interest when they bore me. It’s really dawning to me that the best outcome would be to work entirely somewhere else or follow your advice and ask my supervisor not to make me work with them.

    I’m not that convinced about fake bonding with the nosy ones, because, why would I do that? I have no trouble discussing the weather or recipes with the other 50%, it’s just this clique that’s… childish and immature. And I don’t go to work to feel stressed.

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • while I'm very tempted to follow this route, what do I tell them if 2 of them gang together with the contradictory info I fed them and confront me? 'I don't recall ever saying that, please let me work'?

    It's even worse when your supervisor sometimes acts like one of these people.

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • I might just repeat like a broken record 'I don't want to talk about it and I hope you respect that'.

    I still believe a nosy person will test this boundary, but I'll try it and see what happens.

  • is this the right way to establish boundaries with my nosy coworkers at the hospital?

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  • boy, people sure are thin skinned

    thanks for your post.

  • I’m 43 but everyone at the workplace thinks I’m 25. Is this something I need to change?

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  • ace