There was a radio show back in the day that did a segment called "What did Jesse Jackson say." They'd play a clip of him talking, then people would call in trying to understand/guess what he said (they used official transcripts as the basis). Sometimes they're go ages with all the guesses being wrong.
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Improved headline
I don't know... It's pretty hard for The Onion to make an outrageous headline that isn't also kind of believable these days. I'm not sure this one is more ridiculous than some of the things he's actually said.