Search

If any trans women here have been admitted to a psychiatric ward, I'm looking for advice/experiences. My main concerns are the following:

• Losing access to DIY HRT
• Inability to shave, or is I can shave, having to be watched while doing it
• Being strip searched
• Transphobia from other patients and staff
• Food

Context - I live in a blue part of Washington State, fairly progressive, and I'm working with my therapist to get a personal recommendation for a facility (she mostly treats LGBTQ+ patients, so I'll be asking specifically about that).

I currently take Estradiol Cypionate by injection, once per week as monotherapy. I've used a tool to estimate my E levels, and I've determined I could likely go 14 days before things get bad (below 100pg/mL), but obviously that would not be an ideal experience for me hormonally. I just tested my levels last week and my E came back significantly higher than I expected (could maybe go longer than 14 days), and my T levels were incredibly low (1

I cover my face before stepping outside,
And don't say a word, so my voice won't be pried.
I try to blend in, and pray they can't tell
-- As if I'm a thief who escaped from her cell.
My old mask was blue.
    I'm glad that it fell.
My new mask is pink.
    I still need to hide.

From closet to stealth
Does no good to your health.
For people like me, this country looks bleak;
If others could see, they'd just see a freak.
My new mask is pink.
    It does make me think.
My old mask was blue.
    What else could I do?

One day they won't tell just by looking at me,
But that doesn't mean that I'm finally free.
My new mask will then be etched to my face:
They'll give me a past that never took place.
My old mask was blue.
    A terrible guise.
My new mask is pink.
    The mask is in their eyes.

-- Lady Scarecrow

I don't know why I keep this mask.
It doesn't fit me -- it never has.
And now I've figured out this mess,
It seems to fit me even less.
I would much rather wear a dress...

But where I'm from, the risk's too high.
When I still look like a guy
(In many ways -- I hate them all),
If I step outside the door
With these clothes that I adore,
What sort of danger would I call?

But I can't waste my life away
And live a lie until the day
I'll get to look a certain way.

In the end, it's up to me
To find the courage that I need
And be the girl I wish to be.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Hi, I'm Jasmine.

This post is a bit of a vent, but I also genuinely need help and comfort. I hope this is appropriate to talk about here and that I don't ruin the vibe of this community too much.

I'm tired with myself repressing my gender. I'm tired with me telling myself maybe I can live happily as a boy, maybe I can convince myself, or maybe this is all fake somehow. I feel like I'm not meant to be a girl, that I am meant to be a boy, and that I shouldn't transition because it's against my cultures. And my internalized transphobia sometimes made me think like a bigot when given the chance.

I've done my best to avoid lashing my internalized transphobia to anyone, even online, and I'll continue to do my best. I'll continue to do my best to support trans people, but ironically it's hard for me to support myself.

I know this all sounds so negative, but it's been eating away at my mental health. I need help.

*I just wanted someone to reassure me that it's okay for me to transition an