I just did 60+ hours of dry fasting and then today spent £130+ on a bunch of stupid shit like energy drinks and jelly(jello). I haaaate spending money almost as much as I hate eating. I feel so stupid

Rn. And sad. I ate the pork :/ i feel weird and shit. I had about 1300 calories. I have a bunch of perishables now…

Why do I always do this? :(. I was feeling good and now that progress is ruined. I want to feel like I can be out in the summer time and not like I need to hide all the time. I want to feel good about my body not like a disgusting freak. I don’t want to keep waiting til next summer next summer one summer. I know I can do this even though it’s hard.

I’ve been lying in my bed this whole time just keeping myself occupied with my phone. I have been feeling like I’ve been going into ketosis and it felt pretty f-ing good. I hate waking up everyday feeling disgusted with myself and ashamed like I have to hide from my own family because I’m so bad.

Fasting feels empathic. The longer I can maintain a fast, the more connected to others and the world I feel and have capacity to be.

I need to stop just going on my phone. I have been resting more.

I’d give the money I have to my family members to look after so I don’t impulse buy but I have in the past and it just doesn’t seem like the best option. I neeed to build proper trust with myself. I feel sooo stupid that I bought all this crap and my sister has seen it. I don’t even want any of it. I just add stupid shit to the cart to handle cravings and now it’s here… I feel weighed down and trapped by it.

I really don’t want to f up another summer.

This consumes my whole life and energy :(